I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
