dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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