I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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