Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
