i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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