I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
