Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
