Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
