Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
