A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
