Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
