Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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