You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
