I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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