My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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