ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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