Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
