Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
