Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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