she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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