Dual....:-)
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
