12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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