I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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