I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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