I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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