i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
