i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
