Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
