Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
