He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
