Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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