Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
