i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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