Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There r osticjed everywhere
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
