were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
