this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
