For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
