First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
