maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
