I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
