He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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