You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
