so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
