me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
