if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
