I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
