apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
