EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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