there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
