I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
